Wasaga Beach, Ontario
March 27, 2017
AH! What can take a lifetime to learn!
Been a busy week and have learned one of the essentials in the evolutionary journey. I have been working on love – of Self – because without that, none of us can begin to love anyone else.
Forgiveness has always been the other big challenge when it comes to discovering that inner peace on the evolutionary journey. I thought it meant forgiving all others. And it is. But like all things nothing is quite so simple. There is an almost invisible part to uncover. Just like love, we can’t gift forgiveness to another until we have taken the solitary trip to never-never land first.
We are raised in such fear…never believing there is anything worthwhile about us at all. We don’t have a chance of forgiving all the things we have been told are awful and unacceptable about all we do.
So we don’t expect anything better and in fact we attract to us situation after situation that proves how undeserving we are. Even people who are good and kind often won’t be accepted because it isn’t what we feel we deserve. So we manage to turn things upside down and ensure we see things through our tainted eyes.
Anyway we all do that and push our own buttons and those in anyone else. Just to keep us in a state of lack and fear. I finally figured that out and also something else happens then with that discovery.
We don’t get angry with the people who are playing that role in our lives. We get furious with ourselves. We see how we have not asked for or expected more.
I was so furious with me…have been forever!
But how can we be that angry when we have suffered so much aggressive anger all our lives? For some people like me who held it all inside it has been such a heavy burden to carry. Something snapped…I finally let the pain release from my heart. In forgiving myself I became quite dramatic, using strong words I would have never imagined I was cable of expressing. And it feels great. I will never be afraid to say “no” or to accept less than…in how others treat me.
I always had choices and the decisions I made to play out the drama were the most incredible chances to learn. We are both teacher and student with every person in our lives. All meant to be.
When we get to that place of self-love we see it reflected in the hearts of others. And we also see and feel the fear – and that is the place where the gifts of understanding, compassion and forgiveness a perfect mirror for me to see my own issues: the good, the bad and the wonderful!
April 2017 Wasaga Beach
The Shift in Consciousness Support is Globally Available
Does your life take on meaning when you hear the energy concepts of researchers like Nicola Tesla and Einstein or read books and website content of Gregg Braden, Deepak Chopra, James Redfield, Louise Hay…and so many others I couldn’t even begin to list them all?
Do you already subscribe to GAIA (formerly GAIAM TV), intrigued by the informative interviews of professionals who aren’t afraid of speaking the truth on countless subjects? And do you keep updated on Steven Greer’s Disclosure Project? And Stephen Bassett’s Paradigm Research Group, both working to fully disclose the facts about extraterrestrial intelligence and its historical impact on our home planet? Because you also wonder why the United States refuses to open their UFO files? Are we are the only (brightest, wisest) life forms in the universe? And perhaps you don’t believe the “facts” around 911 either? Even if all of this seems like Hollywood movie plots, you sure aren’t alone! (www.GlobalOutlook.ca – False Flag Operations)
These individuals keep reminding us we are ready to find the real truth – about ourselves and the screen of unreality in the world in which we live.
Wasaga Beach, Ontario
January 10, 2017.
These days I definitely have a broader and deeper understanding of the global awakening I have been undergoing. And that the power of transcendent realization – or illumination is a gift being Information received through divine guidance, part of the fabric of everyday existence for so many…”light-bringers”. A veil or curtain that is about to be pulled back to gradually expose the truth will bring us to a permanent state of perpetual awe!! It needs to progress slowly. Otherwise we would be blown away by the light of truth!
Some of the signs I learned were part of what I have termed the Pandora Process. They keep showing up in ways that don’t seem to make sense at first. How could we imagine an individual awakening to the new awareness? In the energy field designed to help humanity to evolve?
It comes bit by bit, often causing major life changes in careers, relationships and locations to live. All of it ends up feeling perfect to the ascension pioneers. We purge belongings, dark memories and any belief that held us feeling unworthy of internal peace and universal love. It may sound a bit grandiose. When you feel your body, mind and spirit freed in this Emerging Era from its former shell, however, you intuitively understand.
When we embrace the new thoughts and higher expectations entering our consciousness, we permanently open our heart – the sacred container shielded since the creation of humanity on Earth. Until now believed to be the necessary tool to sustain life through the circulation of blood. The heart is actually responsible for 90% of our human functioning. The brain takes orders from our heart – not the other way around.
HOW SYNCHRONOUS EVENTS MANIFEST
Synchronicity is sweet! Two years after the initial posting of my webpage I found myself in a paradise that looks almost identical to the website banner above. I had mysteriously discovered San Pancho, Nayarit, Mexico. Since then I have lived many winter months on the affordable Pacific Coast north of Puerto Vallarta. Did I mention that part of the journey for so many energy voyagers is to find themselves surrendering money and home, anything resting on ego and pride?
But I must have needed to learn so much more. So, in April of 2015 the doors to expanding my understanding of many things magically opened again. I was led to sand and a curving shoreline in the magnificence of Wasaga Beach, Ontario, Canada (the world’s longest freshwater beach – hope that doesn’t sound like ego!), a short distance from where I was born in 1947. For nine months I seemed to be working in the care of a highly tuned divine messenger, starting a new business…THAT HEALING PLACE” – Mind, Body, Spirit Wellness Hub”. Over 20 natural healing professionals offered their remarkable skills to our clients. And then…for fire code reasons in the rental space….I had no choice other than to close it down. I fled back to Mexico to recover from several physical issues and to rest.
How does all this amazing stuff happen? Well, all my bets are on synchronicity (The Celestine Prophecy) and manifestation (The Law of Attraction) because it simply was all meant to happen this way. Could the future already be lived? Or are there several options simultaneously available for each evolving soul? Undoubtedly, a higher, emphatic energetic force field exists. This is a definite truth that is wakening worldwide.
HOW DOES THE PANDORA PROCESS FIT IN?
When you look at the Pandora image on the website banner above (from a painting by Lawrence Alma Tadema, 1836-1912) you see the heroine of the Greek Myth searching for answers in the eyes of the Sphinx. The Egyptian symbol of hidden truths represents the darkest of fear producing consequences. In each cycle of incarnation, we have been warned never to expose all kinds of knowledge deemed forbidden. Until this Emerging Era…when the evolutionary energy awakening humanity is vibrating in the heart, mind and body of too many to ignore. We won’t be ever closed into that restrictive box again.
The Kundalini Energy is Illuminating Humanity
Read more on Pandora Process page:
Barrie, Ontario, Canada
July 12, 2016
The Ultimate Dream
This morning I awakened from a dream where I was walking through a mall I was familiar with but all the stores I had depended on being there were now closed and it was all in darkness. And then I ended up at a gate outside trying to find a way to get back home – and looked down at my feet and realized I didn’t have my own shoes on…a different pair of sandals rather than my very well grounded leather ones I’m wearing now actually.
I asked a woman behind the high gate where my own shoes were – instead of the unfamiliar more light almost dancing style shoes with straps I was now wearing. I kept looking down at them – taking one foot out and feeling it truly didn’t feel like mine but it seemed I was going to be needing to get used to wearing them. She didn’t have an answer where my others ones had gotten lost and I didn’t remember even taking them off and exchanging them for these new kind of dancing shoes.
And I quickly realized I was a new person with happy dancing feet…and nothing is going to keep me from being both grounded and happy at the same time. Yippee!
The song “HAPPY” by Pharrell Williams never ceases to make me want to put on my dancing shoes! Check it out on Youtube (Official Music Video).
Barrie, Ontario, Canada
January 27, 2015
We are the Spirit Catchers of Modern History.
Inspired by mythology of the Aboriginal People of Canada, the Thunderbird is the spirit catcher – the messenger who carries dreams and desires to the Creator.
Are you feeling at the core of your being just how many positive changes are happening in the world now?
Awakening to higher awareness – being a Spirit Catcher – is grounded on a firm foundation of hope. As highly sensitive evolving souls, many of us feel the news too intolerable to hear. I retreated from the disturbing televised truth for about three years in the 1990`s.
Hearing nothing but wild speculation, I felt like a student of ancient history: no two people on the scene tell an identical story. With my human eyes closed to the truth, as unknowingly I was awakening my internal third eye, I was missing the positive changes I could celebrate with each new day. Truthfully, there hadn`t been many things to celebrate for a few centuries. Until things started to speed up after the Harmonic Convergence in August of 1987 when we began getting help from cosmic connections.
Then with 9/11 every cell in my body was forced to an awareness of a higher level of common sense. I had given up my personal power by refusing to acknowledge pain and suffering existed. I chose not to be locked down in my own ignorance and fear. After exclaiming out loud to the television screen, “You’ve got to be kidding!” I started thinking about all the inside information I am not shown. (If you want to understand how the system works to keep us in the dark, watch the epic disclosure movie: Wag the Dog.)
As ascension speed accelerates, I celebrate from a more enlightened spiritual perspective I call the Pandora Process. According to the Greek Myth, the last element left at the bottom of Pandora`s Box is hope – once the tribulations of human existence have all been exposed. Historically, Hitler and his Nazis command locked out truth to average German citizens. I see how World War II was sparked in 1939, in the soot of inhumanity`s tribulations over lifetimes.
Today, January 27, 2015, the 70th anniversary of liberation of Auschwitz prison camp is being observed. According to CBC news on line, Holocaust Remembrance Day is happening “in the shadow of war in Ukraine and a rise in anti-Semitism in Europe.”
The concept of war appears to be still embedded in dark energy floating around the planet. Wait! Feel the vastly diminished enticement to join up. Is there even one logical brain cell operational in the theory of war? Well, except for the huge financial benefit to armament industries. The majority of us have caught the spirit. We don`t need to fight for truth, justice and freedom. We are these gifts, breathing in the love and joy of awakened humanity around the world. We are ONE – awakening Kundalini Energy: the Emerging Morphogenetic force field is shifting our planetary existence.
Perhaps with a delayed gratitude for Orwellian “eye in the sky” technology we have hope in our hands, literally! Thanks to drones, satellite imagery, and video cameras (apparently positioned at every ninety degree angled corner on Earth), disclosure of the truth should be immediate. There is definitely more happening every day than we are shown. And what underlies the news gets better every day. Only a bit longer now to allow the emerging era energy centre to readjust our mental, physical, emotional and physical power fields.
After several thousand years and countless incarnations, now is the moment when we jointly carry our dreams and desires home to our creator. Our courage to accept self love, the ultimate truth, set us free. Hope will immediately vanish from our spiritual ascension vocabulary. We won`t ever need to hope for anything again.
October 19, 2014
Truth Talk Today: It’s about the Environment…
Welcome to another overcast, cold, rainy southern Ontario Sunday!! That Arctic ice breakdown (Nah! It’s not really happening, right??? DUH!) sure has invited the frigid underlying waters to extend their journey into some unknown territory this summer! No longer in “lock down” in ice blocks from this side of the equator, the southward extending air currents are enjoying a freedom of choice never before experienced…well maybe not for a few billion years. So the once freezing water temperatures are flying high above the polar bears and walrus populations and scooting down to embrace other life forms…like us! Is the same thing happening on that other end of the world – way down there – exposed to Antarctic meltdown ? You betcha!
Supposedly all this weather change is merely creeping along to enfold us, in the words of educated experts who simply won’t admit we are experiencing a fast and massive shift in global weather. And just because it isn’t all becoming ‘global warming’ doesn’t mean the reality isn’t occurring. Of course, admitting it will mean facing some pretty dang interesting outcomes. By and large we will fall into our ancient natural habitat for humanity: FEAR! And any form of fear, past, present or future, doesn’t help to pay the taxes. Or to admit there is a much higher order in charge here could cause some deep breaths of concern too. Because where would that leave politicians, religious leaders and sports broadcasters who depend on certain emotional and temperature certainties to fulfill their personal mandates.
For instance, those in the northern hemisphere, who have spent so much cash to equip homes, autos and work places with air conditioning, may feel a bit silly. Same goes for the other side of the equator. At some point, what if those few humid, high summer weeks will from now on be counterbalanced by an underlying cooling breeze? Just as has been the case this summer in most parts of Canada where the ‘normal’ simply doesn’t exist. Or where the temperatures embracing our bodies never exceeded into those zones reserved for high deserts and saunas?
Yet, when the sun isn’t shining directly on you, it is time to grab a sweater or hoodie. And when it does shine, it feels like the rays touch you in a way that doesn’t create the same atmospheric pressure on skin cells. It sure feels hot! And yet its radiance has shifted somehow so that it has no resemblance to what used to prompt us to find a shady tree and open our picnic basket. Could it be we are already fitted with a sunshade on our evolving body type as part of the physical transformation we are globally experiencing?
Yet, there’s more to it than that! As I watched the rain beat against my apartment windows for several hours each day this past week, I was awed at the different quality texture. Driven by strong, erratic wind gusts, it struck hard and then the drops held tight to the glass, dragging down a bit, kind of like tears, before disappearing. Yet, the usual results of such deluge are missing. Glancing out now at the lawn that has been steadily rained upon, unlike the ‘old days’ there is little sign of that renewed healthy green grass at all.
Is this evidence of further biochemical displacement of hydrogen and oxygen in our natural environment: jet streams and other foreign intrusions? In spite of the low temperatures and heavy clouds, there was nothing to resemble fall snow or ice pellets. The thunder and lightening accompanying the low cloud cover seemed fabricated too. Intensely focussed on one area and too much thunder and bizarre lightning are how I would describe it. And it sure wasn’t feeling like October, as some people said, even though the leaves are changing colour quickly. I have heard the squawks and seen the flocks of Canada Geese flying overhead these past days too. Are they being sent off their normal intuitive directions for good reason?
Over all, I am always amused by the various comments about the way this season is shaping up here in my little corner of the world. “Oh it’s good for me. It will be a huge savings in air conditioning costs.” “Never liked the humidity anyway.” “Well, in my post menopausal years, I don’t mind that things are cooler”. What I’m sensing overall is an underlying acceptance of environmental changes that in my assessment might be more than a bit rare!
Which is inspiring and confirming for me. This could mean that masses of individuals, caught up in an enlightened energy area in the community I have called home since 1991 are moving out of the asleep state. Without fear or trepidation, they are going through the awakening I call The Pandora Process. Opening the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual doors to safely turn on our heart light. That means Fear of Truth ends. Free Will goes into action. Natural love flows freely.
The overall sense of calm and joy we will feel each day will be astounding! Life will be better in all ways. We will share a sense of acceptance and peace which never ends…
“A room without a roof” as the song goes and food to share with those we love. Isn’t that what “happiness is”?
A friend from Prince Edward Island told me that for the first time ever fishermen off this East Coast of Canada are being granted rights to catch sharks. This warm weather species is now visibly nesting in the northern Atlantic waters and that makes them ‘fair game’. Temperate weather patterns are changing so much.
September 9, 2014
Treat Yourself Like a Car
Do you want a Long Life? Treat Your SELF like a car.
It is no secret. The habit of burning off more calories than we consume will maintain an ideal body weight. Those wise words from a fellow writer got me thinking. Something about burning off the loving energy we all have inside to maintain an ideal life. If you want to go for it – to truly be in the human race – treat yourself like a car. Insured and guaranteed long and happy life! Your hand is on the wheel. You are responsible to keep yourself mentally, physically and emotionally on the road.
Most of us have tender memories of the most significant car we ever owned. Our voice softens and our eyes drift off to the Heaven on Earth moments. Or we melt into our dreams of the Lamborghini, Cadillac or Spitfire that would have looked so cool parked in our drive. So take a minute and imagine sitting in the driver’s seat, lovingly gazing in that rear view mirror. Feel that pride of ownership on drives around the block, across town, or to the seashore. Roll down the window and feel the fresh breeze dancing across your cheek.
I’ve recently adopted a new life outlook and it’s about thinking of my SELF as a 1947 model vintage classic. If I want to get the longest mileage – live to 100 – and why not? – I need to keep my vehicle in good working order. That includes giving it super test fuel – the more expensive but better foods. And I put in some additives like vitamin supplements to get the best mileage and smoothest ride. It’s making the effort to find standard brand gas-line anti-freeze and keeping my oil level topped up by drinking lots of water.
If I had the 1959 family Chrysler Windsor still around, I’d stroke the white tail fins and push the DRIVE transmission button on the dash, like that day I got my driver’s licence. I’d turn up the tunes and the rubber would meet the road…as they say! I already change my tires often. Looking in any woman’s closet, that’s a no-brainer! Winter and summer: shoes for all seasons; white walls and steel rims for every festive occasion.
Frequently checking the wipers and cleaning windows is a basic eye exam and daily swiping at cloudy glasses with a shirt tail. And it goes without saying that the most loving thing we do for our vehicles is soaping, scrubbing and washing them down on a regular basis. That way, treasured folks and strangers on our life paths will welcome our love lights glowing bright. A smile from a shiny grill – even through a restructured denture or fender realignment – proves we are still a fully licensed driver. Travel companions welcomed!
If and when I need to take the wheel of one of those sweet little motorized wheelchairs – with the sun shade roof – I’ll still have a rear-view mirror to check out how well I’m doing. The bumper box will carry around the 2047 model communications device I should imagine. It seems reasonable to expect by then we will be able to push a button and put ourselves into hover craft mode. Beam me up, Scotty!
May 29, 2014
You gotta ride with the tide
For my part I know I am working on self-forgiveness. For many things I’ve done or said or allowed myself to experience that haven’t been for my highest good. And what is that ‘good’? I truly think it can be nothing except love…and it has to start with total love and acceptance for the self. After that one can be open and free and happy and alive. I think you can see I am there some of the time.
And it is a big change in my personality and it confuses and frightens people close to me I believe. They see the different side of me – the part I always kept hidden away because as a kid or as a girl or as a human being, no one feels comfortable with someone being happy. What’s wrong with her? Doesn’t she know she should be suffering? Is she nuts? Yep. Probably!
Why do they feel that way? Because they are mostly dancing around in their own fear and problems. Like I’ve done most of my life too. And now I’ve kind of crawled out of my own self-imposed hell – I think because of all the healing time I spent in Mexico over the past couple of years perhaps. I sure don’t want to be part of the silent battle field survivors group any more. Happy is joyful and smiling and seeing the good and positive and all the best in everything. Not from a place of being phony. But because that love feeling just bursts out. And I have no intention of shutting it down. It is who I am – who everybody is – at the soul level. I am beyond control – in a good way! Ha!Ha! In other words I just gotta be me!!!
And now, the next thing I realize is that I will lead a very lonely life if I can’t learn to forgive others for allowing me to be less than I had hoped. Goes back to parents and every other person who ‘did me wrong’ because I bowed down to the fear. What’s a kid supposed to do? I’m not a kid any more now. And yet I’m more of a kid than I ever could be. Breathe easier and have such fun on my own.
I think a lot of people are going through this part of the Pandora Process these days. I don’t know how to be true to myself in the old energy dump world that still exists out there. Sounds complicated, right? And beyond hope? Nope!
What I mean is that I have no problem at all with people expressing their own fears and intentions to get happy. There are so many deep, distressing issues coming up for people….health, relationships, careers.
Because we are all simply gathering up the best of who we are at heart. The best of who we have been through so many soul incarnations in this evolutionary track. Some call it awakening or enlightenment and when I think of the powerful love light being ignited inside our hearts now it all makes such sense.
Patience….calm….kindness….these are the attributes I am trying to live within each day and hour. As yet, I just don’t know how to stay silent or shut it out when I hear judgments and complaints about others.
I remember that old line “what people think of me is none of my business”. I finally get it…and know it means it goes both ways. But how do I stay silent or turn off my hearing aid and still smile? Haven’t found out how to do that yet. When I say something like that it may seem everything needs to be going my way. And I reply, “YES”. Because my way is happy and positive and I care about every person I meet. Can’t hold the love back and don’t wanna’.
And I know when I am with a few people in my life who are also inclined to find their way to the universal love source, when we are together, we don’t generate any sort of negative interactions. It’s not all perfect. Yet, we speak of our own issues and the other always respectfully listens without butting in. Sometimes it is OK to offer some insight….helpful not judgmental. Sometimes it is best to simply pat a hand or make loving eye-contact in silence.
That’s the support we all need. Because no one else can make our decisions for us…nor should they try. I am doing a lot of learning around that myself. Being a college teacher who got paid to tell it all, it’s difficult to back off and shut up. Grrrr…
And that’s the other thing. I’m finding my soul can’t allow or be near people much who are continually raining on their own parade – or pushing the waves against all aspects of their own existence. I know this resistance to joy is part of the growth Process. I don’t want to carry an umbrella to protect me from the negativity splashes. Especially with people who I love and value and feel are in my larger soul group.
I have this deep sense of loyalty and gratitude to anyone who has acknowledged I exist. Who spent time with me alone and who shared their deepest secrets and fears and concerns. And who listened to mine. Are we meant to learn and leave one another this lifetime? It doesn’t seem fair. I know how much I’ve gained from the presence of these divine souls in my life. Some came in for only a short time; others have been with me for years and decades.
What happens to those souls who suddenly no longer exist in my current existence? Don’t they miss me or ever think of me too? With fondness and a twinkle in the eye as I do when I remember the good memories we shared together. And there always were good memories. Or even the so-called bad times were how we learned to be something other than what we were taught by traditional cultures, society, religion, gender, and era of existence. Someone showed us and taught us to look more deeply inside to see how strained and unorthodox thoughts were often the real way to be. The more they irritated us, the more we were rubbing against illusion.
The truth of who we are kept coming up and finally like the top of the iceberg it couldn’t be hidden any more. It started to shine in the light of day. In a world where the seas can be rough at times, the undercurrent continues to be strong. We are coming ashore as newly hatched turtles with our protective covering lost.
We don’t need it any longer because the world is gentle and warm and luxurious after all. Just waiting for us to take a deep breath and lie down in the soft sands and smile.
If that was part of the agreement we made before incarnating into this very unique time in the history of humanity as we know it, well…who am I to complain? And since I don’t know how long I’ve got, I want to be happy and have fun and be loving and goofy and positive in everything I do. It isn’t even a matter of choice. I simply AM that person now. Always was. We all “always was”!!! Just got the fun and adventure beaten and bullied out of us along the road of life.
So, guess I learned somewhere to swim in a breast stroke in the new seas, from the sacred heart in my chest. To take a deep breath and throw open that Pandora’s Box that supposedly was necessary to keep me free of bad stuff. When you don’t listen to the incessant fear rants – and instead take your first steps on the beach on your own, you kind of giggle. Hey! Life is a moment to moment adventure. Glad I’m along for the ride!
MAY 7, 2014
The Truth Does Set Us Free
Just like my clients, in each day in this Emerging Era of shifting energy, my own life experiences mirror a new understanding. What we learn frees and inspires us to recognize and welcome all that we are…and all that we are becoming. Pandora’s chest opens and the fear locked in our hearts is released. We let go of the illusions. The reasons why we have held on for so long often become totally clear based on information unlocked in past-life recall.
Throughout those years I was gradually learning to acknowledge my own female wisdom, strength, integrity – in other words to truly love me! Innumerable life experiences provide evidence why love and forgiveness are so difficult to achieve. And these lessons are never solely learned in our current incarnation.
For instance, historically many males in our Anglo-Saxon culture dealt with life stress through alcohol.
Running the show, with so many visible responsibilities, so many places where choices might be ridiculed as failure, a man may suffer from inherited post-traumatic stress disorder. Locked down in the heart, sweet souls are born into a dark reality where sexual abuse, bullying, shaming guilt and physical threats to ensure silent submission create intense, justified fear.
Natural freedom to be happy and feel internal peace – the light source in universal love – is blocked. And fear that dark too often manifests as sudden unprovoked anger. An old energy gets triggered as an adrenaline rush that produces self-defensive boundaries and most dangerously – Self Denial. It is possible to let that all go. To find the calm, happy inner presence our evolving souls are creating we can take some steps forward by changing our beliefs. It takes a bit of bravery to see through the beliefs ingrained in your childhood. And then trust your SELF. You know the truth.
San Pancho, on the Pacific Coast of Mexico
October 28, 2013
What a morning!
I wrote several years ago in the first versions of the Pandora manuscript that I truly loved myself at that point. Well, that was a lie!
Before I went to sleep last night, exhausted and yet needing to speak my mind, I spoke out loud to the darkness of my room what I truly wanted…just for me…without thinking of anyone else at all. Being here in this magnificent natural Eden in Mexico at this point in my life with many years ahead I am simply lonely!
I expressed my heart wishes now in truly, truly wanting a man who would be all things to me: a humorous friend, adventurous travel companion, affectionate lover, spiritual and intellectual equal. And above all someone who simply adores and accepts me for all that I am…and am not! I wished it from deep in my heart with no constraints on this desire…no hesitation, no internal barriers that would preclude that happening. I fell asleep immediately.
A couple of hours earlier I had walked up from the beach as darkness fell over the village of San Pancho, aware I only had four more ‘sleeps’ here before moving on to Bucerias, further down the coast nearer to Puerto Vallarta. For two months it has been an amazing healing time in this place I sort of think of as home…and yet it is time to move on…
An amazing healing took place that lasted for two hours this morning. When I awoke at 6:30 I was stretching my legs a bit as I usually do and then I started to rub my left shoulder with my right arm across my chest and suddenly I was kissing my arm! And I kissed and I kissed both arms and hands and then started planting kisses on the palms of my hands and transferred those kisses to my face and head and neck. Nothing sexual; I take care of that need when necessary on my own. However, it really hit me that I had never, ever in my entire life been kissed all over by any lover.
And the more I kissed I suddenly was having such intense feelings of love. I remember lying in bed beside this last guy so often with that feeling – and wanting to plant those kisses on him and he had pushed me away. Warning! So that wasn’t happening! And my husband had never been able to give or accept physical affection either. I sure know how to pick them! So that I could continue to believe I wasn’t worthy of physical, emotional or spiritual love? No way that’s going to continue to be the future path in my life!
And those intense feelings of love stirred such emotion and affection inside and I started to cry as I kissed. I had so much wanted to have someone to express those feelings to. Guess I needed to start at home plate! I started to say quietly aloud – over and over and over…”I love you…I love you, Judy.” And each time that brought up more tears from such a deep, deep place inside. I eventually remembered some baby pictures still in existence stored back in Ontario. And I was a beautiful baby: big brown eyes, alert and smiling a welcome to the world… and calm somehow. That dredged up some stuck feelings in another part of my abdominal area: more little gasps for air.
And then what was so wonderful was that I started to think of the other people I do love so much – including my daughters who over the years I have kept outside of that zone. I felt such guilt and undeserving of love having left them in 1980 for five months in their Dad’s care. And perhaps because all of my life I have never felt deserving of accepting the depth of love I felt and received from them as children. It has become a habit to go: to far-away places with strange sounding names – because nobody loved me. Boo! Hoo!
Anyway, I was lying there crying from such a deep place that I could scarcely get my breath to bring up the stuck emotions. I had to breathe into that part of myself often. I got up at some point and gathered some wads of toilet paper and began to blow away the unlocked sludge. I pulled out mental pictures of my beautiful daughters when they were little and I cried for the incredible love I felt and have kept locked inside myself ever since. And of course the entire ‘love’ bundle needed to be recognized for myself first!
Then I started to feel more unconditional love for the people who I have put outside myself – including my sister. Not because I ever hated anyone but lately for sure I have difficulty being true to my new self in energy environments where there is so much fear and so little love and respect. And I extended my loving feelings to these specific people I know and to people everywhere who carry such incredible pain inside and are in such need of being loved. As I have always needed it too.
My own first awareness of divine consciousness was experienced sitting by my mother’s rigid body in the Anglican Church in Orangeville where she had been raised. I would have been poked at persistently in the pew to ensure my hair barrettes were tight and my socks pulled up after we arose from the kneeling bench. How horrible for her. She didn’t feel good enough about herself to bring her progeny into the public without making me somehow perfect. Good luck!
It was one of those days when I was about eight when I first recall having the epiphany that stayed with me. I was looking at the stained glass windows as the prayer for food to feed the starving children of the world was spoken by the priest. I immediately knew “My God is not a mean God! My God is a loving God!” So there….!
So about sixty years later I finally deeply understood at a primal level how to extend love to everyone in the world. And then I started to feel that this love was exactly the Christ consciousness love that I had been reading about for years. And I didn’t know how to awaken it inside myself.
It isn’t outside the self that we need to find that source – not the Father, Son and Holy Ghost – out there somewhere. Instead, I needed to turn on my own heart light and see it had always been stored inside…waiting to break free. Now I can look in the mirror and not see the batwings extended under my arms in my Mexican style sundress or the broken veins on my ankles above the flip-flops. I will smile at the beautiful soul looking back at me and say with a confident grin – “I love you, Judy”.
This is a pure revelation as one of the first gifts in the Pandora Process. Be fearless enough to open the closed chest – and the glorious divine heart comes to life! Our love is strong enough to stand alone. United with others, it is the alchemical basic to create the evolution of humanity.
Namaste – Judy